M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
