are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
