Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
