I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's never too late to be topless.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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