so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
