Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
