i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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