i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
