you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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