four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
