I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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