My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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