My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
