He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
