you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
