I'm so fucking centered right now
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
