I showed him my bush... on skype.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
