stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Drake has all the answers
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
