You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
