Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
