who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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