I wish they made helmets for livers.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
