evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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