I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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