At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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