you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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