i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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