We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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