those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
