oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
