just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
