is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
