Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
