Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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