I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
