turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
