meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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