The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
