Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
