Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
