Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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