I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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