She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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