Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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