He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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