And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
