He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
