That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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