You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The best revenge is premature balding
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
