Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
